just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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