Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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