not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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