Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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