Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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