Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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