But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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