i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
