It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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