I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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