I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
