I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
