That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
