My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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