Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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