i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
