I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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