ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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