He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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