went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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