We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
