He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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