I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize