so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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