Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
