people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
