Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Shame - the story of my life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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