You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
