There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
