So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She needs sedatives and a leash
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
