I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
