At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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