I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
