Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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