Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
