I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
operation have a gay friend backfired
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
