just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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