I wannas sexs uuuuu
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
