I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
