I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
