So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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