also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
