Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
