well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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