if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
