And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
