forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
