She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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