I didn't shave. On purpose
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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