I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
