Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
