I just cut my nipple shaving
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
