I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
