Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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