If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
