My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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