So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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