You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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