I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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