You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
