you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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