I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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