when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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