Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
