Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
