never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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