I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
