Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
