every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
