I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
